How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Time for a raccoon update:

As described in our previous post, the raccoon mom and her 4 kits (or cubs, if you prefer -- apparently, both terms are used -- yes, we've spent way too much time researching raccoons on the internet lately) were extracted from our crawl space last Saturday. We had a few nights of peaceful sleep until Tuesday night/Wednesday morning when it sounded like someone was trying to break into our house at about 2:00 am.

Technically, Jen heard the noise but it didn't take long before she woke me up and we agreed it must be a raccoon trying to rip through one of our vents in the backyard. I put on my glasses (but forgot shoes), turned on the backyard light, and ventured out to, indeed, find a raccoon ripping apart one of our vents with its claws. I asked it politely to leave (well, not that politely but I wasn't yelling like a madman -- yet) and it backed away but just looked at me for a while. I then tried my whisper/yell combination (yisper or whell, maybe) where you don't make lots of noise (so you don't wake up the neighbors), but you let the raccoon know you mean business.

At that point, it did duck under our fence, although I could see its eyes watching me underneath the fence. I hoisted a couple big rocks to block the vent and then went back inside. About 20 minutes later, we heard the same noise (both of us this time since we hadn't been able to fall asleep) and I went out and immediately used the yisper/whell technique. This time, it backed off a few feet and looked at me. I found a small rock (golf ball size) and tossed it in the raccoon's direction. Apparently, all those years of playing softball have finally paid off because it was a direct hit and the raccoon ran off quickly (please note: it wasn't thrown all that hard, so please don't call the PETA people on me -- I was only trying to show the coon our home really isn't the 5-star raccoon hotel that it must be listed as in those raccoon camping guides).

I then examined my clearly-not-heavy-enough rocks and found the raccoon had been able to push them aside. So, I found some cinder blocks and stacked them up and went back inside. As a side note, I recently came across a raccoon article stating that raccoons are among the most intelligent of all wild animals. Well, either ours is the dunce of the litter or they are also the most determined of all wild animals. The raccoon came back twice more that night (the whole ordeal lasted from 2:00 to about 4:00) and I chased it away but it had been unable to make any more headway on the vent (two cinder blocks and a 40-pound rock on top seemed to do the trick).

The next night, I sprinkled some cayenne pepper (more internet research) near the area, hoping to get a good night's sleep. However, about 11:15, the raccoon was back -- still not making much progress but making enough noise to keep me awake. Jen sprinkled some Mr. Clean over the area (more research) and then I stood outside with a flashlight in one hand and a bottle of Wasp Killer in the other. I waited for about 45 minutes for it to come back so I could spray it down (I'm hoping this feller will give our place a really bad review so no future raccoons will even think about staying at our place). But, either the raccoon has grown a brain or perhaps could see/smell me as I sat there waiting to pounce. Eventually, I gave up and went back inside. No additional visits that night.

Jen e-mailed a guy from the paper who had written a raccoon column and he suggested dog repellent, so we bought some of that along with a couple new vents that are designed differently so as to make them more difficult to pry apart. We sprinkled the dog repellent, which consists of 60% dried blood (blood from what? I really have no idea and decided not to ask) and 40% dried chili powder all around the area on Friday night -- no coons all night long. I replaced two of the vents on Saturday just to be safe and, once again, no coons on Saturday night. When taking Conner to soccer practice, I noticed my wrist was burning and eventually realized I got some of the dog repellent on me (chili powder is hot on the skin! either that or dried blood....never mind).

Anyhow, don't be fooled by the subject line -- it's going to take a really long time before I will miss the raccoons. But, hopefully, they are gone for good. And don't worry...we promise not to use the extra dog repellent as a secret spice for future meals...